A Little Note Under Your Door: The Problem of Protesting Too Much

I never want to go to Adelaide. It's an intention of mine to see more of my own country. I'd like to see Melbourne again, have a look at Tasmania and even travel the desert in the middle part. Where that big rock is. But even without bothering to investigate, I know Adelaide is rubbish. I once worked with a man who told me Adelaide was "a nasty town." Apparently it is the serial-killer capital of Australia. It's the capital of South Australia, and their Attorney General is a self declared 'hate-figure' for many citizens.

In collusion with this state counterparts, AG Robert Atkinson has managed to snaffle the veto for the national importation for R18+ games. In theory then, every video game with marginally dodgy content is going across his desk. There's has purportedly been all manner of dodginess going down on desks in the antechambers of SA's Parliament House...but we'll leave that.....

I'm not into games. They are utterly boring. But a related argument runs that children are morphing into slovenly, vegetative messes because they've never contemplated sports without the prefix 'EA'. I'd rather cede that logic if it means that dribbling, chain smoking, mu mu wearing sociopaths fire mortars down portals in their parent's living room, rather than say, on the street where I live.

Atkinson, though, is also the author - dropping into newspaper lexicon for a moment - of "tough anti-biker laws" and this morning he recognised a theme running through his work. The theme of hate! The A-G said he was more terrified of gamers than bikers. He even claimed: "I feel that my family and I are more at risk from gamers than we are from outlaw motorcycle gangs, who also hate me." Atkinson also claimed a 'gamer' had left a threatening note under his door. I'd love to read that note. I think it would read something like this - MMM FLAGAN! IM GOING 2 FLAME U. C U IN THE CHAT ROOM NOOB. PWNED. BITCH.

Bikers, generally, have one or all of three things bothering them. One, is the Vietnam War. Second, it's a raging amphetamine addiction and a half-finished tat. The dude needs to get his sleeve coloured the fuck in, and that isn't happening until he offloads his pound of crystal. And thirdly, it might be God. All three are more terrifying than some hunched fantasist, whose most violent dummy spits come on in response to online betrayal by fellow gamers:



I've been on the odd online chatroom, where the gamer goes for some solace. They make me think of virtual island nations, usually ruled over by some dictatorial figure YELLING AT PEOPLE for using inappropriate caps and font sizes. There is usually an eerie sense of urgency about all the posts - the kind of crises you might expect if you're primary form of engagement with the world came by way of typing into a void. Loitering in these places must feel like repeatedly throwing a rock down a well, one at a time, waiting to hear it strike the bottom to be reassured the darkness isn't endless. I'll agree with the A-G. He's got some testy people on this hands. But if he thinks they're going to miss meeting 'Beef_69' and 'LordHuggington' for their regular 2.30 am game in favour of lobbing a molotov at him, he's clearly mistaken a gamer for a biker.

But having a look around at some of Atkinson's quotes - and he's usually good for one - you can see the guy is obsessed with video games. Whenever someone - especially a politician - begins a personal, messianic crusade on an issue I get suspicious. Their protests are too strenuous. He's in the closet. I'm with Michelle Chantelois: I want CCTV footage from parliament house. I'm not in the least bit interested in whatever Mike Rann gets up to between motions - but if we trained a watchful eye on Atkinson's activities we might see something interesting. I think Atkinson is a gamer. I think "under my door" is some kind of geek speak we don't know about - maybe threats are busting through his firewall in some kind of Trojan horse. My theory is this: Atkinson's username is LeroyJenkins. There he would be, console in hand and loving the gamer. Not hating him.

Speaking to the House of Representatives, Atkinson said he banned one game, 'Blitz: The League', because "in the course of the game, the player may use performance enhancing drugs." Another game, 'Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure' was banned because it promoted graffiti. In what universe does a roid head or a tagger pose more of a threat (threat to what, even?) than leather clad, angry men descending on Sydney Airport with murderous intent? It could only be the fantastical world of a gamer.